Dear Joey McIntyre…

Oh 5th grade… each night I kissed Joey McIntyre’s 2-D face and caressed his papery biceps, then hopped into bed and fell asleep to the dulcet tones of “Please Don’t Go Girl”.  But then again, who didn’t?  So it was such a joy for me to see Joey and his band of boys in the news* yesterday.  The New Kids and the Backstreet Boys have just announced that they’re kicking off their 2011 tour at the American Music Awards this Sunday.

Now I’ve already established that I’m a fan — a real die-hard Joey Mac devotee — which is why I hate to admit that I’m probably going to sit this one out.  I just don’t think I can handle another “Sex & The City 2″ moment… you know, that moment when you’re watching people you used to love and all of a sudden you realize that wow, all these people are really old, and then it hits you that you’re getting old too because Sarah Jessica Parker looked downright scary in some of those scenes and you think, holy shit, I remember when Carrie was fresh-faced and wide-eyed and didn’t look like a chic Skeletor then you’re like fuuuuuuck I’m getting old and then Aiden comes into the picture and you’re like, oh for fuck’s sake, but at least he looks good… then the girls come back on screen and remind you of your own impending mortality.

All that being said, good luck NKOTB!  I wish I could Hang Tough because I’m sure you fellas have still Got the Right Stuff, but I’ll Be Loving You Forever from afar this time around.

* Does PerezHilton count as “the news”?

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