Dear Benjamin Millepied…

All guys have a thing for Natalie Portman.  It’s like it’s embedded in the male DNA or something.  When they describe her, there’s always a mention of the fact that she went to Harvard… which clearly has nothing to do with why guys like her because there’s a shitload of ugly chicks writing research papers and doing advanced calculus in Cambridge each year and none of them have the adoration of the entire male population.

Well I’m sure Scotch is being guzzled and beer is being chugged today as men across the land cope with the news that Natalie Portman is off the market — engaged and impregnated by the most unlikely type of guy — a male ballerina.  It’s kind of like the improbable relationship in Knocked Up.  In the movie, a fat, schlubby, unemployed pot-head hooks up with a successful, has-her-shit-together E! news reporter.  In this real life but just as far-fetched story, a fit, world renowned ballet choreographer and principal dancer at the New York City Ballet hooks up with a world famous, critically acclaimed actress.  Ok, so it’s not exactly the same thing, but seriously… a super hot chick hooking up with a male ballerina?!  I don’t buy it.

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