Dear Snooki…

Snooki was on The Ellen DeGeneres Show yesterday.  I would’ve watched but I can never get past all of Ellen’s dancing at the top of the show.  I get so embarrassed for her, the same way I feel when people like Shania Twain say things like “rock on”.  Or when Jennifer Aniston does pretty much anything.  Stop it, ladies, you’re humiliating yourselves.

So Snooki was on the show and told Ellen that, thanks to her rockstar lifestyle, she blacks out and wakes up in a trash can “like once a month”.  The weird thing is, there’s a guy in the alley behind my building who sleeps in the trash can like all the time.  You think it’s possible he’s just a hard partying reality star/television personality/novelist/slipper designer?  Maybe I should stop throwing my recyclables at him and see if he could recommend me to his agent.

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