Dear Katie Holmes…

It’s common knowledge that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise got married because he wanted to be seen as a straight, married, fatherly type and she wanted to be seen as something other than Joey Potter from Dawson’s Creek so she signed a creepy Scientology contract worth hundreds of millions of dollars and probably even got a bonus for that lil’ pumpkin/alien* Suri.  Nicole Kidman did the same thing back in the day.  Come on, you guys know this already, right?

Talk about plan backfiring!  The latest Katie Holmes flop is the TV mini-series “The Kennedys” (she played Jackie O) that was produced for The History Channel and was canceled this week — before it ever even aired.  The girl can’t even get some face time on The History Channel??  They’ve got an entire series devoted to people who drive trucks on ice!  And a hit show about two guys going antiquing… literally, that’s the whole show, two nerds just buying old shit.

The curse of Tom Cruise must end!  Tear up that contract, Katie!

* I don’t know much about Scientology but I once heard that they think babies come from outer space.  I would do some research but I’m afraid the second I google “Scientology” my computer will get tagged by those wackos and I’ll have someone knocking at my door trying to get me to take a “stress test” that results in me spending all future Sunday afternoons in a trance with Jenna Elfman and Jada Pinkett Smith.

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