Dear Nicole Kidman…

A few days ago ice skater Johnny Weir announced he was gay and now Nicole Kidman admits she’s “tried Botox”.  If Charlie Sheen spills the beans that he’s a sex addict we’ll have the ultimate trifecta of “uhhhhh, yeah, no shit” news stories.

I personally plan on getting Botox someday… not to look younger or anything — that would be crazy — but because when the aliens eventually come and start anally probing all the humans, I’ll run to the front of the line and you just watch, my face will be so frozen I won’t even FLINCH.  That way the aliens will assume that all humans are immune to anal probing and they’ll hop back into their pulsating space craft and find another planet to bother, meanwhile I’ll be heralded across the globe as “Julia Lillis: Protector of the Free World!!”  That, and I want to look younger.

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3 Responses to “Dear Nicole Kidman…”

  1. Zach says:

    Wait, Johnny weir is gay? Next thing I know you are going to tell me is Josh hill bangs wubas.

  2. Shawn Purvis says:

    Thank you for volunteering to be the first anally probed human in the species. It’s that type of commitment (to looking young) that will propel our world into an unknown age of prosperity and progress.

    Once we invest in Botox companies…