Dear Oprah Winfrey (again)…

Usually when you see the word “Oprah” and any other noun in a headline, it’s safe to assume that Oprah is giving away said noun to all the members of her studio audience, so when I first got online today I assumed Oprah was giving away a sister to everyone in the crowd.  Then I was like, “waaaaaait a minute, that doesn’t make sense.”  Turns out Oprah has a long lost sister!  Is there some place where I can put money down on how long it will take before this chick starts in on the extortion?  I mean, you don’t just find out you’re sisters with Oprah and go on showing up at your crappy job.  Oprah is worth infinity dollars… help a sister out! (literally)

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