Dear Olivia Wilde…

If this isn’t proof that no relationship can last under the pressure of Hollywood success, I don’t know what is. (Wow, what a romantic first sentence — maybe I should save this post for Valentine’s Day!)  Olivia Wilde has announced she’s divorcing her husband of 8 years, Prince Tao Ruspoli. Yeah that’s right… PRINCE… as in, the person that every character in every fairytale and animated Disney movie is trying to marry. That kind of prince. Only in Hollywood does an honest-to-goodness prince get dumped on his ass.

This brings me to the big question: who the hell does this chick think she is?! Good luck out there in the LA dating scene, Olivia! I’ve been there. Expect lots of dutch coffee dates (that’s not some new kind of coffee, that’s referring to the cheap LA idiots who can’t even buy a girl a Grande Skinny Vanilla Latte) and guys who you think are really green because they ride their bikes everywhere, only to discover they’re actually homeless and your Michelob Ultra was just paid for courtesy of the suckers who gave him change while waiting in traffic at the intersection of Lacienega and Olympic. Love is in the air! No wait, that’s the stench of a guy who hasn’t bathed in a week, my bad.

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