In honor of St. Patty’s Day I decided to write my fan mail to an Irishman. Isn’t Liam Neeson just the best?! Literally, he’s the best: here’s a survey that found that he’s the most popular Irish person in the US. See, I told you, the best. I just saw his movie Unknown and although I still don’t know if he was a good guy or a bad guy (or a good guy pretending to be bad or vice versa, it was very confusing but that could in part be blamed on the pre-movie day-drinking I was involved in — hey, no big woop, I’m Irish!), so although I kind of had no idea what was going on, even in my drunken state I walked away saying “Damn that Leon Neilson is a great actor” to which my boyfriend said “Uh, it’s Liam Neeson” to which I said “Why do you always have to correct me?! You think you’re soooo smart, don’t you?! Whatever, ARE YOU EVEN IN LOVE WITH ME??!!” (I’m an angry drunk).
Now I happen to be 3/4 Irish myself and I’m not just saying that because it’s cool to be Irish on St. Patrick’s Day; I know this fact because my dad spends a shitload of time on Ancestry.com, which is sort of the opposite of cool, but hey dad, keep up the good work! In honor of St. Patrick’s Day I’m going to dress up like a homeless person who really likes green and make my annual March 17th trip to McDonald’s where I will treat myself to a large order of fries. I know, I know, McDonald’s is technically Scottish, but that’s practically the same thing, plus Irish are known for their love of potatoes (or for not having enough potatoes? or something like that…). Before I head home I plan on washing my taters down with a giant fluorescent green minty Shamrock Shake. No way you’re gonna tell me a Shamrock Shake isn’t 100% Irish?! Folks, that’s what I call 3 killing birds with one Blarney Stone.
Happy St. Patrick’s Day!