Dear Amanda Bynes…

Yesterday Amanda Bynes took to her twitter account to announce her adorable teacup Pomeranian Little Angel had gone missing. Several hours later things took a turn for the worse and she posted the upsetting news that Little Angel was no longer with us. So sad!

Life just isn’t fair. It’s stories like this that make one wonder: why do bad things happen to good dogs? And instead, why can’t bad things happen to bad dogs… like the giant Black Lab Stormy who lives next door to me and takes the most gigantic shits all over my neighborhood; huge Black Lab monster turds just waiting there for me to step in with my gym shoes (the good news is that I usually get a buffer of at least one elliptical machine on either side at the gym because no one wants to sniff doodie while they’re on the Precor.) Little Angel just hung out in Amanda Bynes’s purse all day. She probably took precious little rabbit turd-like poos which I’m sure a classy dame like Amanda would gingerly pick up with a tissue and immediately dispose of. Not like Stormy’s owner… she likes to let the boulder-sized dumps sit around and rot for awhile until they get all hard and white and crusty; it’s like a poop sculpture art installation out in front of my building — a mini dookie Stonehenge.

But somehow in this crazy, messed up world we live in, Little Angel is gone and Stormy’s alive and kicking and just shittin’ away the days. Good call, Universe! Goooood call.


How I'm handling the Stormy situation

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