Dear Andy Samberg…

Andy Samberg has just been tapped to host Discovery Channel’s annual Shark Week this summer. I’ll be honest, I feel the same way about Shark Week as I do about Coachella, Bikram Yoga and red velvet cake — I’m just not that into it and (I know, I know, I get it) I’m in the overwhelming minority. What can I say, I only like music I know all the words to, sweating is disgusting, and will someone please just own up to the fact that it tastes the same as chocolate cake?! As for Shark Week, it’s plain and simple: I don’t like sharks, hence, don’t like watching hours of programming about sharks. The weird thing is that it seems to me that most people don’t like sharks, so why then is Shark Week an annual ratings feeding frenzy (pun intended)? I think guys watch it because they like the blood and guts when they see a tiger shark maul a hunk of flesh that’s been tossed into the water. I think the ladies watch it because at some point, every single high school girl said the words “I want to be a marine biologist when I grow up” and this is as close as they’re ever gonna get.

I’ve had a couple really great ideas in the past week (they should 7-11’s in airports… and… there should be a scale attached to the front of my fridge so when you open the door you have to stand on it and see how much you weigh).  Well, I think I just thought of another great one that would get even me, the most cynical Shark Week non-fan to tune in: The Real Housewives of the Great Barrier Reef.  Damn, I’m good!


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2 Responses to “Dear Andy Samberg…”

  1. Kelly says:

    LOL! I hate Red Velvet. It’s just chocolate cake with food coloring, people.