Dear Tobey Maguire…

Tobey Maguire is being sued over his involvement in an illegal multi-million dollar underground  celeb-filled poker game that was taking place twice a week in various hotels in Beverly Hills.  Finally!  Tobey has actually done something COOL!!  He’s always such a dweeb in his movies.  The broke-ass homeless guy who plays Spider-Man on Hollywood Blvd. is more convincing than Tobey, who looks like he never fully emerged from puberty.  Yet here he was, hanging out with A-listers like Leonardo (!!!), Ben Affleck (yes!), Matt Damon (hello!), and I’m sure a bunch of others who weren’t named because come on, it’s not really a “clandestine poker club” if it’s just four dudes — it’s more of a sleazy 90291 circle jerk.

Congrats on getting in the the cool kids, Tobey!  Now good luck staying out of the clink with these charges… with your slender frame and dreamy blue eyes Spidey’ll be someone’s “girlfriend” in no time!

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