Archive for the ‘Big boned’ Category

Dear Paula Deen…

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

Paula Deen has announced that she has Type 2 Diabetes.  Well, there goes my theory.  I’ve been claiming for years that Paula Deen is a robot sent from the future to kill off the entire human race with her deadly snacks.  It made perfect sense until now because obviously robots from the future can’t get diabetes.

Well shit, I guess she’s just a fat old Southern lady who really does like her butter.  Hang in there Paula!  Now that I know you’re not trying to destroy humanity as we know it, I’m totally rooting for you!!!

Dear Miley Cyrus (again!)…

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

GQ just published an interview with Billy Ray Cyrus in which he says Hannah Montana ruined his family. I’m not sure why they didn’t come back to him with the more pressing question: and what, pray tell, ruined Hannah Montana?  (ANS: the McDonald’s Value Menu) Check out this recent pic of Miley:

I think what we’re witnessing here is a perfect storm of weight gain, the the fatty trifecta:
1. the notorious “freshman 15” — apparently not just for college kids anymore!
2. stress eating — her parents are getting divorced and it’s all her fault! (seriously, her dad just told GQ: her fault!)
3. the munchies

If I took anything away from the Grammy’s (other than Gaga does a killer rendition of Madonna’s “Express Yourself”) it’s that Jennifer Hudson has bottomed out on the weight loss; nothing left to lose there. Maybe Weight Watchers and Miley should have a little chat about a) potential spokesperson duties and b) how many points are in that bag of Doritos she’s undoubtedly downing at 3 in the morning after a few hits of salvia*.

* Suuuuuuuuuuuure, “salvia”