So a little birdie told me there’s a big wedding tomorrow. That “little birdie” was EVERY SINGLE NEWS AND MEDIA OUTLET ON THE PLANET. Like, we get it guys, it’s a wedding, I’ve been in like 7 of them, no big whoop. I was awoken this morning by NPR on my radio alarm giving me this pressing news: the merging of the family crests of Will and Kate is difficult because hers has acorns on it and squirrels aren’t very royal. Well I’d like to throw my two cents in and say that the UNICORN on the Windsor Family Coat of Arms doesn’t exactly scream “hey look at me, I’m the KING”. I mean, come on. A unicorn? And you Brits wonder why we don’t take your whole monarchy thing seriously over here. Here in the US of A we reserve unicorns for things like ironic T-shirts, little girls’ birthday parties and this:
And damnit, that’s why we’re the best country in the world! U S A! U S A! Now excuse me while I go set my DVR to record all 6 hours of television coverage of the Royal Wedding (What? I can’t miss the ROYAL WEDDING! It’s going to be the WEDDING OF THE CENTURY!!! Less than 12 hours and counting!!!! WILLS & KATE 4-EVAH!!!!!).