Archive for the ‘Bride’ Category

Dear Kate Middleton…

Thursday, April 28th, 2011

So a little birdie told me there’s a big wedding tomorrow. That “little birdie” was EVERY SINGLE NEWS AND MEDIA OUTLET ON THE PLANET. Like, we get it guys, it’s a wedding, I’ve been in like 7 of them, no big whoop. I was awoken this morning by NPR on my radio alarm giving me this pressing news: the merging of the family crests of Will and Kate is difficult because hers has acorns on it and squirrels aren’t very royal. Well I’d like to throw my two cents in and say that the UNICORN on the Windsor Family Coat of Arms doesn’t exactly scream “hey look at me, I’m the KING”. I mean, come on. A unicorn? And you Brits wonder why we don’t take your whole monarchy thing seriously over here. Here in the US of A we reserve unicorns for things like ironic T-shirts, little girls’ birthday parties and this:

And damnit, that’s why we’re the best country in the world! U S A! U S A! Now excuse me while I go set my DVR to record all 6 hours of television coverage of the Royal Wedding (What? I can’t miss the ROYAL WEDDING! It’s going to be the WEDDING OF THE CENTURY!!! Less than 12 hours and counting!!!! WILLS & KATE 4-EVAH!!!!!).

Dear Padma Lakshmi…

Friday, April 1st, 2011

Sorry to break the news to you fellas, but Padma Lakshmi is officially off the market!  The Top Chef hottie/host/from-what-I-can-gather-mostly-unqualified-food-critic married comedian Mark Curry in a secret Malibu ceremony last weekend!  Mrs. Padma Curry is said to have worn a Carolina Herrera gown with pearl beading, cap sleeves, and full tulle skirt — gorge!!

When I first heard this story I was kind of taken aback, I mean — Padma — and Mr. Cooper?  But then you think about it and it totally makes sense.  I mean, she’s the host of a super successful television show… and he hasn’t been on TV since the late 90’s.  So it’s a real yin and yang, opposites attract kinda thing.  Like how he’s a comedian so presumably he says funny things, and on Top Chef she pretty much only says super boring obvious stuff.  Like, duh, Padma, we know Richard’s fois gras ice cream was “risky”.

What I’m trying to say is I think this is gonna last!