Archive for the ‘Misc. Actress’ Category

Dear Lindsay Lohan (again)…

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

Lindsay Lohan is being released from her court-ordered rehab today.  The big question everyone is asking is “what should she do now?!” Actually, not that many people are probably asking that.  Apparently she’s launching a website and I think we can all agree that that’s a pretty shitty start to a big comeback.  Launching websites is so “2010”.  It’s 2011 now… she should invent a robot that will launch a website for her.  Or take a spaceship to outerspace and launch her website from the moon.  We’re living in the future now, people.  Time to think outside the atmosphere.

Dear Ginnifer Goodwin…

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

Ginnifer Goodwin is an actress who I’ve never seen in anything, spells her name like a dumb ass and has that kind of short short hair that makes you just say “oh come on, really?”.  So far, these qualities don’t scream “send this chick fan mail”, however, today I read that she’s been on Weight Watchers since she was 9.  I find nothing more endearing than fat kids and no one more relatable than a woman on a diet.  Ginnifer, I’m a fan.

I did Weight Watchers once — I had just moved to northern California and had no friends, and who makes better friends than fat people?  So I started going to Weight Watchers meetings.  They’ve got a whole system of allotting point values to the food you consume throughout the day… you add up all your food and then subtract out points for exercise, and don’t forget to carry over the extra points from the day before… it’s a lot of algebra.  So in case dieting alone didn’t suck enough, Weight Watchers adds math.  Super!

I didn’t end up sticking with the program.  Mostly because I hate diets but also because it turns out not all fat people are friendly, especially those ladies in the Monday night Weight Watchers meeting in Seaside, CA in September 2002.  F you girls.  I hope you’re all still heifers.