Archive for the ‘Pervy Old Man’ Category

Dear Hugh Hefner…

Wednesday, June 15th, 2011

85-year-old horndog Hugh Hefner was dumped by his 25-year-old aspiring pop singer fiancee yesterday, the same day she dropped her first single in iTunes.  Such a CRAZY COINCIDENCE, right?  It almost feels like she was using him to get some publicity for her fledgling music career, but that’s impossible because if anyone is a good judge of character it’s Hugh Hefner.  He loves the sincere, genuine, intelligent, type.

I SAY GOOD FOR THIS CHICK!  Hef was using her for her giant perky knockers and 25-year-old ladyparts and she was using him to get some downloads of the otherwise overwhelmingly unnoteworthy auto-tune mess called Club Queen.  Sounds like a fair trade to me!

 

Dear Regis Philbin…

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Ok first of all, yes, Regis Philbin is still alive.  I know, crazy, right?

So rapper Nicki Minaj was on “Live With Regis and Kelly” the other day Regis straight up started hitting on her, including some awkward clumsy touching and culminating with a tap on the ass (classic move!).

Given that he’s in the twilight of his life, I think it’s refreshing to see that he hasn’t given up on the ladies!  And who knows, maybe he has a shot.  Considering she’s a 25-year-old bisexual Trinidadian hip hop MC at the peak of her career with multicolored hair and lyrics like this…

“How ‘bout I $%& all on your #$@% and then I %$#* it off.

… it seems an unlikely pairing, but as they say, love is blind.  And now that I think of it, Regis is also probably basically blind at this point.  Maybe he wasn’t seducing her, he was just trying to “see” what she looked like by feeling her.  Cataracts are a bitch, ya know.

(I added the dorky %$^# because my dad recently told me he’s been reading my blog.  For the record, dad, I have no idea what Nicki is referring to in the lyrics above because I am an angel.)