Archive for the ‘Really old person’ Category

Dear Justin Bieber…

Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

Justin Bieber was on David Letterman on Monday to promote his upcoming film Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (wasn’t that a Bond movie?) and he briefly tried to explain to Dave what tweeting is.  You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, a black person the breaststroke, or anyone over 50 what a DM is.  I tried to explain Twitter to my mom last time I was home and it was a total role reversal of what I’m sure it was like teaching me anything when I was a kid…

ME: So one cool thing is that people can mention you in their tweets.
MOM: Why?
ME: Because that way you can see that they mentioned you.
MOM: Why?
ME: Because you can click on this “@Mentions” tab right here and every tweet that has your name in it shows up.
MOM: Why?
ME: Because that’s how Twitter works.
MOM: Why?
ME: BECAUSE I SAID SO!

By the time we got to the “but why are there all these pound signs everywhere?” part of the conversation, I gave up. Good news is, however, she’s finally got Facebook mastered!  No more personal emails posted on my wall.  Go mom!

ps. Happy Black History Month!

Dear Larry King…

Wednesday, January 19th, 2011

Regis Philbin announced yesterday that after 28 years, he’s stepping down as co-host of Live With Regis And Kelly. Larry King offered to fill in for a few weeks but clearly that would be the worst idea of all time. Can you imagine waking up, turning on your TV and seeing that Gargamel face glaring back at you?  At least his CNN studio was dimly lit and he usually just interviewed old boring politicians so in comparison he was passable. Well it’s a different world in ABC’s 9am time slot: a brightly lit set… sitting next to the impossibly youthful Kelly Ripa… with guests like Miley Cyrus or Snooki or that cat who can play the piano. If you thought Regis looked like a creepy old man, Larry would look like a creepy old corpse.

ps.  This is what that is, in case you didn’t know (Dad)

pps.  While doing the intense research that’s necessary for a ground-breaking post like this, I read that when Kathie Lee Gifford left the show it was “to work on her music career”. Glad to see that worked out for her!

Dear Dick Clark…

Friday, December 31st, 2010

Last year on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest, Dick messed up what many people consider to be the most important part of a New Year’s broadcast… the countdown to New Year’s.  At the 14-second mark he started counting by two’s.  Bad for live TV, but lots of fun as a party trick at every NYE party you’ll ever go to from here on out.  Try it!  Everyone starts celebrating like 10 seconds too early and then collectively, the whole party feels like a bunch of dumb asses when they realize they’ve messed up something that kindergartners can do — count.  Then you have the pleasure of correcting everyone and announcing the real “midnight!!”  Can you think of a better way to start a new year than with making others feel inferior?!

PS. What’s the difference between Dick Clark and Bob Barker?  No punchline there… I’m seriously asking.  I have no clue who is who.