Archive for the ‘Royalty’ Category

Dear Kate Middleton…

Friday, July 8th, 2011

THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!  THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!  If you haven’t heard the news: Will and Kate are coming to L.A. today!!! Will it be like when Obama came and all traffic was at a standstill for 3 days?!  Which happened to fall on an afternoon when I had to drive the 9 and a half miles from Santa Monica to West Hollywood and it took four hours?!  And take 2 pee breaks?!  And a stop for provisions?!

Oh we can only hope!

Listen, I’ve already made it known on here that I think most of what goes on in England is a crock of shit (meat pie? really? how do you F up PIE?!?!), but I’ll give ‘em this: that was a damn good wedding.  Here’s wishing Will and Kate a fun trip to my fair city!  And here’s hoping they leave before becoming a douchebag and insecure with body issues, respectively.

Dear Mike Tindall…

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

Zara Phillips is some kind of miscellaneous princess in England (12th in line to the throne… does that even count?) and she just got engaged to the strangest-looking man I’ve ever seen.  He’s a cross between Sloth and every white guy in the UFC and he’s got a nose that is clearly no longer serving it’s purpose as a nose… you can’t breath out of something that makes a sharp right turn can you?  And support sunglasses?  Forget about it!

From the pics, I gather Zara’s not picky about noses or the maintenance of her own fingernails and Mike doesn’t seem to care about purchasing an even close to appropriately sized diamond considering he’s  proposing to a G.D. princess.