Monday, November 28th, 2011
The Black Eyed Peas announced over the weekend that they’re finally giving our poor defenseless ears a break!! They’re calling it quits!!!*
* I’m exaggerating. Technically they’re saying they’re only “taking a break” and this is NOT a “break up” but I’m a kid of divorced parents so if experience tells me anything I’m guessing Will.i.am already has his luggage packed and will be hived up at the Motel 6 for a few weeks until he rents a shitty apartment that he fills with futons, board games and take out menus.
Monday, February 7th, 2011
Yesterday at the Superbowl, Christina Aguilera messed up the words to the National Anthem . Sooooooo, that’s gotta suck. I think now is the perfect time for her to play the Latina card again like she did back in 2000 when they started the Latin Grammy Awards and she realized that if she just rolled the R in her last name she could drop a Spanish album and take home a trophy. How’s she supposed to know the words to the National Anthem when she’s Mexican — or whatever — and English is her second language?! (just go with me on this one, Xtina)
The good news for Christina is that most people have already forgotten about her little goof because the Black Eyed Peas’ half-time show was a whole lot worse. If I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that everything is relative. Like when I worked at Dairy Queen in high school I used to give out free ice-cream cakes to all my friends, but was a model employee compared to this chick Kate who stole rolls of quarters (“each roll is 10 bucks!!!”) and smoked Marlboro Reds in the walk-in freezer (“it’s like the ice cream absorbs the smoke or something!!”). It’s alllllll relative.