Posts Tagged ‘Cairo’

Dear Anderson Cooper…

Thursday, February 3rd, 2011

CNN News Anchor/silver fox/gay icon/former host of ABC’s The Mole (bet you forgot about that, huh?) and all around great guy Anderson Cooper was reporting from Cairo yesterday and kinda got his ass kicked!!!! I use so many exclamation points there because this whole time I was under the impression that Anderson Cooper was a bad ass. He’s in shape; he’s youngish and spry; he’s the type of person I would expect to know an obscure martial art like Polynesian stick fighting or some secret Israeli* hand-to-hand combat technique.  Apparently not, because some Egyptians kicked the shit out of him yesterday afternoon.

Listen Egypt, I feel for you… it’s hot out, you have no internet, everyone is angry all the time and your leader is an ass… your entire existence is like every summer I spent at sleep-away camp as a kid, so I totally feel your pain, but let’s not take it out on American treasures like Anderson Cooper! Just hunker down and make some friendship bracelets or a popsicle stick birdcage and it’ll all be over before you know it.

* Why do all Jewish guys think they know Krav Magra? Just because you had a Bar Mitzvah does not make you an Israeli assassin.