Posts Tagged ‘Celebrity Apprentice’

Dear un-named Navy SEALs who croaked that dipshit bin Laden,

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

On a day like today who can write fan mail to reality TV stars (Nene Leakes deserves a shout out after throwing down with Star Jones last night on Celebrity Apprentice) or baby-making songstresses (Mariah Carey finally popped!) or the object of random celebrity sightings (I did a show with Brian Dunkleman — the original host of American Idol — on Friday night; not braggin, just… well yes, I guess I’m bragging)? Celebrities schmelebrities, today my heart felt fan mail goes to the brave ass-kickers who wacked Osama bin Laden last night!

As many of my readers know, I spent some time in the Navy myself. Granted, the most dangerous thing I ever did was attempt a 10-minute jump rope workout on the flight deck of a Guided Missile Destroyer* that was rocking and rolling in the unpredictable seas of the Northern Arabian Gulf (very, very bad idea). Oh, and then this one other time I got into the habit of eating a pie (no shit, a whole pie**) every single day for like two months of a six month deployment so that I no longer fit into any of my uniforms… not really dangerous but trust me, VERY uncomfortable. Tight pants are a girl’s worst enemy. Speaking of enemies (what a segue!), we all have one less of them today thanks to a handful of brave Navy SEALs. Thanks, guys. keep up the good work. You, and everyone else in our military are what make us the best damn country on earth! (well jazz and corn dogs helped too, but it’s really mostly you guys)

* Shout out to USS HIGGINS!! What what!!
** Seriously, another day, another pie: lemon meringue, pecan, strawberry cream, apple, key lime… it was amazing! Until I put on 18 pounds. Then it was the opposite of amazing.

Dear Donald Trump…

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Donald Trump is considering running for president.  I’ll be honest, I spend much more of my day thinking about reality TV than I do pondering politics or world events.  I mean, I get the general gist of what’s going on in the world (Gadaffi = bad; people in Wisconsin = really upset) but on the other hand, I could give you about a dozen specific instances when Camille Grammer lost her cool on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, as well as the ramifications of those outbursts, who they affected, what caused them, and what the follow-on consequences will likely be.  Because my interests lean more towards the ridiculous than the significant, my concerns regarding the possible Trump presidency follow suit: I DON’T WANT DONALD TRUMP TO BE PRESIDENT BECAUSE I LOVE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE.  There.  I said it.  The President of the United States certainly can’t take time out of his busy schedule to host a silly little crazily addictive and surprisingly “feel good”  but at the same time mega backstabbyish show. (Or can he? Appoint a Secretary of Celebrity Apprentice?  Maybe a Celebrity Apprentice Czar? It could work…)

My personally feelings aside, I just don’t think POTUS is the job for The Donald.  His “go to” move is the ol’ “YOU’RE FIRED!”  You ever hear of a Federal employee getting fired?  No.  Didn’t think so.  Because it never happens.  My mailman delivers mail like every 3rd day and half of it is addressed to someone named Regine Consuelos but he’ll probably be not giving a shit about his job until the ripe old age of 65 when he can call it a day and bask in the glory of Federal pension, because no one gets canned by the USPS!  Not even with Trump in charge.