Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Dear Santa…

Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

What can I say, I’m a big fan of the guy…

Dear DMX…

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Yesterday, rapper/actor/Christmas enthusiast DMX showed up to a radio interview and was just so full of the holiday spirit he couldn’t contain himself. See for yourself:

I looooove my Christmas music, however, not all holiday tunes are created equal. Here’s what I look for…

JULIA’S CRITERIA FOR A KILLER CHRISTMAS SONG

THE SINGER
It’s always best when sung by a boy band or pop singer — I’ll take NKOTB over Nat King Cole* any day.  And if any member of the cast of Glee is getting in on the action, consider it Thumbs Upped on Pandora.

THE SONG
Justin Bieber manages to work the word “shorty” into his holiday hit, and I can’t get enough of it!  Most Christmas songs start to go to shit as soon as they get too religious.  Stick with Santa and reindeer and stay away from terms like “Messiah” and any mention of the whole manger set up.

THE SPIRIT
Here’s where DMX really brings it. I never thought I’d say it, but a little “COME ON!” and a handful of “WHAT?!”s really add to the holiday cheer!

* sorry Ab!

 

Dear Chevy Chase…

Monday, December 27th, 2010

I’ve been in my hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania for Christmas for the past four days.  In those four days, my family has watched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation four times.  It’s become a daily ritual, sort of like my mom complaining that she doesn’t know how to use her iPhone or me eating a block of cheese.  Between Christmas Vacation and Scrabble, my family is able to enjoy the holiday season without fights, awkward silence or discussions about why I’m still living in Los Angeles, not creating grandkids… now that’s what I call a Christmas miracle.

Dear Ann B. Davis…

Friday, December 24th, 2010


I’m currently in my hometown Erie, Pennsylvania for the holidays.  It’s pretty awesome here… I bought 8 beers last night for $24 dollars and I was at the “expensive” bar.  You may have heard of Erie… like maybe last week you saw The Weather Channel broadcasting live from downtown Erie because we had non-stop blizzards for 5 straight days… or maybe you remember our citizen of note “The Pizza Bomber”… or maybe, just maybe, you already knew that Ann B. Davis who played “Alice”, the housekeeper for the Brady’s, the most beloved television family of all time (aside from the Cosby’s*) is an Erieite.

Alice was pretty great on The Brady Bunch.  She had impeccable mopping technique, a serious commitment to the perfect beehive and fantastic choice in men (butcher = free bacon = nice catch!), but I’m not playing games.  She’s going down.  Granted, I have like 4 TV credits and 45 minutes of mostly dick jokes, but I’m telling you guys, my star is a-risin’!  Plus, I’m on Day 72 of The Power of Positive Thinking Self-Hypnosis Program.  If you BELIEVE you can be more famous than Alice Nelson, you WILL BE more famous than Alice Nelson.

PS.  If you aren’t familiar with Erie, lemme just brag on it for a sec: third largest city in Pennsylvania!  18 miles of beautiful beaches on Lake Erie!  Highest per capita number of bars in the country!!  (At some point in my adolescent life those were all true facts.  These days I think that shithole Scranton overtook us; a significant percentage of the beaches are usually closed due to some silly little bacteria problem; and well the bar thing, yeah the bar thing is probably still true.  I’m always too drunk to do that math on that one.)

PPS.  MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

* Two words: Theo Huxtable