Posts Tagged ‘Coachella’

Dear Andy Samberg…

Thursday, April 21st, 2011

Andy Samberg has just been tapped to host Discovery Channel’s annual Shark Week this summer. I’ll be honest, I feel the same way about Shark Week as I do about Coachella, Bikram Yoga and red velvet cake — I’m just not that into it and (I know, I know, I get it) I’m in the overwhelming minority. What can I say, I only like music I know all the words to, sweating is disgusting, and will someone please just own up to the fact that it tastes the same as chocolate cake?! As for Shark Week, it’s plain and simple: I don’t like sharks, hence, don’t like watching hours of programming about sharks. The weird thing is that it seems to me that most people don’t like sharks, so why then is Shark Week an annual ratings feeding frenzy (pun intended)? I think guys watch it because they like the blood and guts when they see a tiger shark maul a hunk of flesh that’s been tossed into the water. I think the ladies watch it because at some point, every single high school girl said the words “I want to be a marine biologist when I grow up” and this is as close as they’re ever gonna get.

I’ve had a couple really great ideas in the past week (they should 7-11’s in airports… and… there should be a scale attached to the front of my fridge so when you open the door you have to stand on it and see how much you weigh).  Well, I think I just thought of another great one that would get even me, the most cynical Shark Week non-fan to tune in: The Real Housewives of the Great Barrier Reef.  Damn, I’m good!

 

Dear Kirsten Dunst…

Monday, April 18th, 2011

Mark you calendars it’s that time of year again: the annual sweaty Coachella picture of Kirsten Dunst has been released!!! It’s like Groundhog Day for hipsters… if she shows up with a fedora there will be 6 more weeks of plaid shirts and cardigans; no fedora and you can break out your skinny jean shorts and TopSiders without socks. Yipee!

Last weekend was the big music and arts festival Coachella. I’m not one of those people who really knows music (I listen to is the radio in my car — gasp! — and a Bob Segar Pandora station that never lets me down). While I’ve got friends who count down to Coachella like they’re  highschoolers who are about to get their braces off, I don’t even notice the event is going on until my Facebook news feed becomes annoyingly saturated with Coachella-related updates, ie. “omg it’s soooo hot out here. need more PBR” or “Lucent Dossier Experience at the Do Lab stage. u should so be here” (I’m FB friends with a lot of douchebags).

I’m just happy to have my yearly reminder that my girl Kirsten is still around. Although to a lot of folks she’s just another snaggle-tooth has-been, to me she will always be Torrence Shipman — the sassy cheerleader with spunk and spirit fingers who leads her Rancho Carne Toros in the epic battle for cheer glory. Go Toros!!!!