Sure he’s weird, believes in aliens, is in a fake hetero-sexual marriage, and wouldn’t have lasted very long growing up in the Lillis household with my mom’s “no jumping on the couch” rule, there’s at least one thing that no one can take away from Tom Cruise: he’s a PARTY STARTER!!!

Exhibit 1, 2 and 3: Tom’s dance-off at a head of Oracle Larry Ellison’s son’s wedding.

Chris Brown was the musical guest on Saturday Night Live this past weekend. I usually don’t know who the musical guest is because I fast forward through those parts of the show (as well as that one recurring sketch of the family that kisses on the lips… oh gee, is it gonna end with two guys sucking face? Never saw that coming!) Anyway, so I’m watching SNL, about to skip through the music, when all of a sudden I’m hypnotized by dance… it was like the final scene in Dirty Dancing when time seems to stand still and every dance move is perfect and the whole crowd is blown away. Yeah, just like that, but I was the entire crowd of patrons at the 1960’s Catskills summer resort and Chris Brown was both Baby and Johnny Castle. Soooo, I guess it’s a pretty shitty analogy now that I really put it down on paper.

Now I’m no hip hop master (surprise surprise), but I have been known to bust the proverbial move at my gym’s bi-weekly Cardio Hip Hop Fusion Class and I’ve DVR’d at least a season or two of America’s Best Dance Crew, so I think I’m in the position to opine on this just a bit. Chris Brown really brought it! As Lil’ Mama might say, “Damn, Chris, that was swaggerific! Your choreography was hot, your tics were tight and your executions were crispy.” Congrats Chris! You’re just a kick-ball-change away from the world forgetting you’re a lady beater!

PS. Happy Valentine’s Day!