Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Dear Stacy Keibler…

Sunday, August 7th, 2011

Stacy Keibler is dating George Clooney.  Yeah.  THAT Stacy Kiebler.  The one who was a PRO WRESTLER.  So either she has a great personality or she’s really good in the kitchen (and by kitchen I mean bedroom).  The problem is, normal girls like me can’t compete with her bedroom prowess… she’s a trained professional when it comes to wacky out-of-the-box antics.  I bet she’s smashing break-away chairs over his head and doing back handsprings in her sexy nightie.  Now that’s foreplay!

PS… no posts this week… SOMEONE’S ONE VACAY!!!!!

 

Dear Scarlett Johansson…

Monday, March 7th, 2011

Scarlett Johansson is apparently head over heels for Sean Penn after returning from a secret getaway to Mexico (because drug cartels are romantic!). The relationship started last week when they went on a lunch date in LA.  I usually don’t pay too much attention to lunch dates but this one sticks out in my memory because while they were eating she had her bare feet on his lap.  Yeah, that’s right…. her FEET on his LAP while they were EATING.  BLECH!  In my world, feet and eating don’t mix.  Keep those dirty little monsters tucked away in your shoes, planted securely on the floor, as far away from mouths as possible, thankyouverymuch.

So anyway, she’s dating Sean Penn now.  Ummmmm, I think Scarlett needs some girl friends to chat with… maybe a good ol’ fashioned slumber party with sleeping bags and Bridget Jones Diary, a few bottles of Pinot Grigio and some cheese chunks.  One of these gal pals needs to be like “hey Scar, sooooooo, what do you think your type is?” And then Scarlett will contemplate for a minute and suddenly it will hit her, “oh my God, I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA”.  Then she needs to grab a hold of the nearest Cosmopolitan, flip through until she finds the monthly “what type of guy is right for you” quiz, and figure that shit out.  When you go straight from Ryan Reynolds to Sean Penn, making early 20’s pit stops at Benicio del Toro and Josh Hartnett, you need help!

PS.  Scarlett, I will gladly be the previously referenced “gal pal”.  Let’s hang!!