Posts Tagged ‘Google’

Dear Vanessa Hudgens…

Monday, April 11th, 2011

Former Disney leading lady/nude pic starlet (redundant?) Vanessa Hudgens recently said in an interview in People:

I know what the worst invention ever is. The internet. I think it’s ruining everyone, and it just makes everybody way too accessible.

Vanessa Hudgens saying she hates the internet is like Jared from Subway saying he hates 6” tuna’s on wheat. That’s why you’re famous, dummy. In a world without internet there’d be a few thousand tweens with Vanessa Hudgens posters hanging next to their twin beds. In the world  with internet she’s the 40th Most Popular Woman on the Web and has millions of creepy old men googling “naked Vanessa Hudgens” on a daily basis.  Ok, so maybe I can see where she’s coming from.

Well if Vanessa can’t enjoy her internet fame then someone ought to make use of it — that’s where I plan on stepping in. As I sit here typing “naked Vanessa Hudgens” for the 4th time in a single post, I get giddy thinking about all the creepy old men who will accidentally end up here at Naked Fan Mail when they hit enter in search of their “naked Vanessa Hudgens” filth.  Oh you “naked Vanessa Hudgens” searchers, not only will you give me a major spike in my blog stats, I get to take this opportunity to say: HEY! STOP IT! STOP RIGHT THERE! GO OUT AND FIND YOURSELF A NICE REAL HUMAN ADULT LADY AND STOP JERKIN TO CREEPY BAD CELL PHONE PICS OF NAKED HIGH SCHOOLERS. So in the end we all win!

Dear Courtney Love…

Friday, March 4th, 2011

Courtney Love was crazy tweeting back when Charlie Sheen did nothing more on a daily basis than wear questionable shirts and recite shitty  jokes on CBS.  In 2009 Courtney was doing it all, a real smorgasbord of inappropriate twitter use: profane rants, nonsensical ramblings, telling off her lawyer, even posting some semi-naked pics that I will forever regret having subjected my eyeballs to.  Her piece de resistance was a string of 140 character tirades lashing out against fashion designer Dawn Simorangkir in which, among other things, Love accused her of having a criminal record.  Turns out Damn Simorangkir does not have a criminal record and decided to sue Courtney for libel.  Rather than go to court, Courtney settled the case today for $430,000

Ummmmmmm… so this means you can’t post lies on twitter?  Those bitches from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills better ix-nay on the eeting-tway about how much they love and support each other.  And I should probably stop all those tweets where I pretend I’m at the gym to make people think I do something other than watch reality TV and google myself all day.