Posts Tagged ‘Jessica Simpson’

Dear Jessica Simpson…

Monday, January 24th, 2011

Classic Jessica Simpson TMI moment on Twitter the other day:

“Thank you Lord for blessing me with a Man that has the perfect Tush. Laying my hands upon it with peace:)”

I don’t know where Jessica learned to pray, but it definitely wasn’t from my first grade teacher at Our Lady’s Christian School, Sister Anne Louis.  That lady really knew her shit.  She had 30 seven-year-olds reciting The Our Father like it was a Barney’s Sing-Along.  First Communion… Confirmation… Twelve years of “Religion” class… not bragging or anything, but I think I’m kind of an expert on things you’re supposed to pray for… and thanking God for a perfect tush is not on the list.

ps.  “Tush”??  Really? Just because you wear mom jeans, doesn’t mean you have to use mom words.

Dear Eric Johnson…

Monday, November 15th, 2010

We all know that the moment you break up with someone you enter into an all out race between you and your ex to find love and happiness.  The first one to that finish line gets to passive-aggressively rub this happiness in their ex’s face via strategically placed pictures on Facebook or, for celebs, PerezHilton and US Weekly.  For Jessica Simpson, this race began in June of 2006 and a week ago I would’ve said her chances for victory were slim thanks to the recent engagement of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo.  Today, however, I’m happy to report that she has a real fighting chance!

Turns out that Jessica’s summer fling with Eric Johnson (I know, I know, you’re like “who?!”) turned into something pretty serious.  Dating since May, Eric is that guy who went to Yale, played for the NFL and turned down an acceptance to Wharton to get his MBA in order to stay in LA with Jessica.  Because when you think of Jessica Simpson, don’t you instantly think “Ivy League”?

Now that we’re in the final stretch of this relationship Cannonball Run, I’m not sure who will get down the aisle first.  I am sure, however, that we’ll likely see both these nuptials on the VH1 or MTV’s 2011 lineup.  Who ever expected Newlyweds to have a sequel?!