Posts Tagged ‘Johnny Weir’

Dear Nicole Kidman…

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

A few days ago ice skater Johnny Weir announced he was gay and now Nicole Kidman admits she’s “tried Botox”.  If Charlie Sheen spills the beans that he’s a sex addict we’ll have the ultimate trifecta of “uhhhhh, yeah, no shit” news stories.

I personally plan on getting Botox someday… not to look younger or anything — that would be crazy — but because when the aliens eventually come and start anally probing all the humans, I’ll run to the front of the line and you just watch, my face will be so frozen I won’t even FLINCH.  That way the aliens will assume that all humans are immune to anal probing and they’ll hop back into their pulsating space craft and find another planet to bother, meanwhile I’ll be heralded across the globe as “Julia Lillis: Protector of the Free World!!”  That, and I want to look younger.