STOP THE PRESSES! BREAKING NEWS! OMG! Jennifer Aniston cut her hair (ps. my definition of “news” is a little different than yours, dad — haven’t gotten around to bookmarking TheWashingtonTimes.com over here.) According to my sources, no more silky long locks for Jeniston*… as of yesterday she’s sporting what can only be described as ‘Kate Gosselin circa 2009, if she skipped 3 hair appointments in a row’ (let’s see if we can get that name to stick like ‘the Rachel’ did.)
It’s short and darker in the back and long and blonde in the front… it’s like the anti-mullet (party in the front ‘cause blondes have more fun — WHATTT?? HEEEEEYY!!! OH YEAH!!), but the real long and short of it is: I think it’s a train wreck of a haircut. Apparently what I think is a “train wreck” the media thinks is “sassy” because I can’t seem to find a single story about Aniffer’s hair that doesn’t use that word, as in: Check out Jen’s sassy new look!! Blech. You’re 42. Sassy’s supposed to end at age 3 and not pick up again until around age 75. Go back to your hairdresser and demand a redo on that ‘do.
* Just because she’s eternally single doesn’t mean she can’t have a super fun couple mash-up name!!! Like mine someday: Jul-Clooney! Just rolls off the tongue, eh?
PS. In a related story, Justin Bieber also cut his hair yesterday and I happen to know that merely mentioning that fact will double my number of hits today. Thanks Beliebers!