Posts Tagged ‘Kris Humphries’

Dear Kim Kardashian… (for the final time)

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

It took me a few days to muster up the strength to write to Kim again.  It’s just like uggggghhhh, right?  I mean ugggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

I want this blog to be topical but I can hardly go on writing about the Kardashian Klan every other week.*  Therefore, I’m taking this moment to officially announce my break-up with them as a people. Kendall gets knocked up by Bieber?  You’re not gonna read about it here.  Bruce gets a sex change?  He/she better not expect a Naked Fan Mail in the mailbox.  I’m done.

I’m the 99% who’s fed up with Kardashians and I’m taking a stand, damnit! Who’s with me?!!?!?!

* Roughly every other week…

To Ray J for starting this whole damn thing — 8/22/11
To Kim
when she got engaged to dopeyface — 5/26/11
To Khloe
when she was naked on billboards all over LA — 3/28/11
To Kim
when her nipple popped up in a magazine — 2/1/11
To Bruce
for dealing with them all — 11/9/10

Dear Kim Kardashian (again!)…

Thursday, May 26th, 2011

Aw hell yeah!  Yesterday it was announced that Kim Kardashian is engaged to basketball player Kris Humphries!  Much like the Space Race of the 60’s and 70’s when we put a smack-down on Russia, this is the era of the Wedding Race and we’ve got our eye on you, England.  Sure they had their Sputnik moment with Pippa’s ass, but we’ve got a bride with an rear that defies logic, human anatomy, and the basic principles of physics.  They had adorable choir boys with angelic voices… screw angels, we’ll get Kanye!  You thought Prince Harry was a fun-loving wild child?  I see your Harry and raise you one party starter/drama queen Scott Disick!  Game on, England.  Game on.