Posts Tagged ‘lawyer’

Dear NeNe Leakes…

Tuesday, May 10th, 2011

SPOILER ALERT (for people who watch extremely popular reality shows 2 days after they air): Real Housewives of Atlanta‘s NeNe Leakes quit Celebrity Apprentice. UGH!!!! Right?? It was a real bummer because she truly was a joy to watch. As I’ve said before on this blog, I think more shows could benefit from the addition of catfights (ie. The CBS Evening News With Katie Couric) and Celebrity Apprentice proves once and for all that I’m a genius and all of my theories about popular culture are pretty much spot on. The constant battle between Star Jones and NeNe Leakes was one for the ages. Years from now, people will look back at this time period and ask (after inquiring about one’s stance on Twilight and late night TV hosts — firmly Teams Edward and Coco, for the record) “Team Nene or Team Star?”… and those of us who are sane enough to see that Star Jones is a horrible, horrible, conniving human being who thinks that just because she’s a lawyer she’s better than everyone (uh, news for you Star Jones, everyone hates lawyers; it’s not impressive — haven’t you seen a movie, like, EVER?… you guys are pretty much always the bad guys and universally reviled, PLUS — and maybe this is an even more important point — I know a lot of really dumb people who went to law school… sooooo, how about you zip yer lip with the whole “I’m a lawyer” B.S.)… we’ll band together and proudly declare: TEAM NENE!!!

Dear Rihanna…

Wednesday, March 30th, 2011

Rihanna is on the cover of Rolling Stone this month and based on the quotes from the interview this chick is sluttier than a former Disney starlet trying to shed her good girl image… who also has daddy issues… and a creepy feely uncle:

“Being submissive in the bedroom is really fun.”

“I like to be spanked.”

“Being tied up is fun. I like to keep it spontaneous.”

“Sometimes whips and chains can be overly planned… I’d rather have him use his hands.”

Chris Brown is like “you gotta be fucking kidding me.”  As we speak, Chris’s lawyer is probably using this to come up with an appeal to the assault charges against him from 2009.  I’m no lawyer but here’s what I’m picturing: “My client merely treated your client as she asked, by keeping it ‘spontaneous’ and ‘using his hands’ (which happened to be in the shape of fists at the time).  He just ‘spanked’ (her face), what’s the big woop?”  PS. I’d make a shitty lawyer.