Posts Tagged ‘Madonna’

Dear Madonna…

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

There are lots of reasons to dislike Madonna, like her British accent, the fact that she kidnapped a baby from Malawi and all of Ray of Light.  Add this to the list!…

 

Here’s the real question:  how long until Lady Gaga publicly denounces hydrangeas??


Dear Miley Cyrus (again!)…

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

GQ just published an interview with Billy Ray Cyrus in which he says Hannah Montana ruined his family. I’m not sure why they didn’t come back to him with the more pressing question: and what, pray tell, ruined Hannah Montana?  (ANS: the McDonald’s Value Menu) Check out this recent pic of Miley:

I think what we’re witnessing here is a perfect storm of weight gain, the the fatty trifecta:
1. the notorious “freshman 15” — apparently not just for college kids anymore!
2. stress eating — her parents are getting divorced and it’s all her fault! (seriously, her dad just told GQ: her fault!)
3. the munchies

If I took anything away from the Grammy’s (other than Gaga does a killer rendition of Madonna’s “Express Yourself”) it’s that Jennifer Hudson has bottomed out on the weight loss; nothing left to lose there. Maybe Weight Watchers and Miley should have a little chat about a) potential spokesperson duties and b) how many points are in that bag of Doritos she’s undoubtedly downing at 3 in the morning after a few hits of salvia*.

* Suuuuuuuuuuuure, “salvia”

Dear Madonna…

Tuesday, November 30th, 2010

Yesterday Madonna opened a gym in Mexico City… because when I think of Mexico City, I immediately  think “work-out fanatics!”  Just kidding.  I actually think “drug cartel”, “over-the-counter Vicodin” and “Montezuma’s Revenge” but it’s fine because Madonna doesn’t give a crap what I think.

Although her music has gone downhill since she released her “Immaculate Collection” back in the 90’s, her body has gotten increasingly ripped.  Now she’s 52 and she has the arms of a He-Man action figure.  I’ll admit, when I first saw the pics of Madonna’s sinewy biceps back in 2009 I was creeped out.  These days, well they’ve kind of grown on me.  I don’t mean to get all Gloria Steinem here but it’s nice to know that there’s a woman out there who doesn’t need a man’s help to move a dresser!  Or a grand piano.  Or a 10 ton vault filled with blocks of lead.  What I’m saying is, she looks pretty strong.