Posts Tagged ‘Mel Gibson’

Dear Brooke Mueller…

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Yesterday Charlie Sheen stopped banging his goddesses and talking about winning long enough to send a crazy anti-Semitic text to his ex-wife Brooke Mueller.  I’m not talking a “hey, Jews have curly hair and don’t pick up a tab” kind of anti-Semitic text…. this had more of a Mel Gibson tone and a John Galliano sentiment.  It was bad.  Later, Mr. Tigerblood claimed that he never sent the text, rather, Brooke sent it from his phone to frame him.

First of all, Charlie, phones don’t work like that.  You can’t just send a text from another person’s phone without having the phone in your possession.  Maybe somehow you can, because you’re a warlock and not of this terrestrial realm, but the rest of us can’t.

Secondly, Brooke Mueller has come out with an ALIBI!! (You go, girl!!).  Brooke says at the time when the text was sent, she was (drum roll please)… filming a reality show with Paris Hilton.  Oh.  Wow.  Well I think the courts will determine that this alibi is clearly verifiable because really, who would admit to that if it wasn’t true.  How embarrassing, right?!  Say you were taking a dump… googling yourself incessantly*… farting in an elevator… accidentally misplacing your clip-in hair extensions at a wine tasting party.  Pretty much anything is less humiliating than “filming a reality show with Paris Hilton”.  You’re a brave woman, Brooke!

Dear Mel Gibson…

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Mel Gibson wrote his ex-lover/former unwilling sparring partner Oksana a bunch of love letters and those wily folks over at TMZ got their hands on them and posted them here.  Crazy, right?  I mean, who writes letters??  Oh yeah, old people.  Like Mel Gibson.  Oksana was probably getting these and thinking “Dis is fecking stoopit. Vat is he, like a hoondred yurs old?”

Clearly the best part is when he refers to himself as “your capitalist pig” and calls her “my dark eyed, beautiful little communist”.  Not your typical tug-at-the-heartstrings prose, but it does make me wonder what their sex talk sounded like… I bet one mention of tax cuts for the rich would put him over the top!