Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

Dear Clint Eastwood…

Sunday, February 5th, 2012

So I’m watching the Superbowl… just lovin’ life, throwing back some beers, eating 1000′s of calories worth of guacamole and enjoying some high production value commercials with my pals. It was just another fun day of using football as an excuse to eat and drink excessively with friends. Life doesn’t get better than this, right?… until… sandwiched between “wacky” curly haired commercial actors doing spit-takes for no reason and Ferris Bueller bringing me back to my youth, Clint Eastwood appears and brings everyone down. Oh yeah, we’re all broke. Oh yeah, the whole country is pretty much broke. Oh shit, Clint, you’re right, life is just crap. Well thanks. Thanks a lot. Someone get Danica Patrick or that kid from last year with the Darth Vader mask on the horn, America needs them!

Dear Tim Tebow…

Tuesday, December 20th, 2011

Holy crap.  Literally.  I’m beyond confused as to why everyone is so opinionated on/fascinated by/won’t shut the hell up about Tim Tebow.  I think he’s gotten more press for talking about Jesus Christ than the actual Jesus Christ would get if he was here today.  If Jesus came back for a Second Coming (or whatever*) He’d probably trend on Twitter for a few days and then something like “#iluvBieber” would knock Him off the charts.

* Second Coming, etc. etc… not sure how all that stuff is supposed to go, I kind of forget… 12 years of Catholic school and you’d think I’d be all over this stuff.  I would like to point out that those nuns at least instilled in me that you have to capitalize “Him.”  Nailed it! Woah. Too soon.

PS.  Two sports posts in a row. That oughta do it for awhile.

Dear Eric Johnson…

Monday, November 15th, 2010

We all know that the moment you break up with someone you enter into an all out race between you and your ex to find love and happiness.  The first one to that finish line gets to passive-aggressively rub this happiness in their ex’s face via strategically placed pictures on Facebook or, for celebs, PerezHilton and US Weekly.  For Jessica Simpson, this race began in June of 2006 and a week ago I would’ve said her chances for victory were slim thanks to the recent engagement of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo.  Today, however, I’m happy to report that she has a real fighting chance!

Turns out that Jessica’s summer fling with Eric Johnson (I know, I know, you’re like “who?!”) turned into something pretty serious.  Dating since May, Eric is that guy who went to Yale, played for the NFL and turned down an acceptance to Wharton to get his MBA in order to stay in LA with Jessica.  Because when you think of Jessica Simpson, don’t you instantly think “Ivy League”?

Now that we’re in the final stretch of this relationship Cannonball Run, I’m not sure who will get down the aisle first.  I am sure, however, that we’ll likely see both these nuptials on the VH1 or MTV’s 2011 lineup.  Who ever expected Newlyweds to have a sequel?!