Posts Tagged ‘pee’

Dear Ray J…

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

Kim Kardashian was married over the weekend and, while most young couples get themselves in debt with $34 mixed medium wedding invitations and personalized scented soy candle party favors, Kim will be earning a cool $15 million on her big day.  Happy Monday!

The problem is, no matter how much money she makes or how successful she becomes, her wikipedia entry will forever start with “made famous by getting pissed on by Brandy’s brother in a skeevy sex tape” (I’m paraphrasing here… but honestly not by much); a fact that her future children… her children’s children, will all be painfully aware of: “yeah, grandmama got peed on like a dirty little whore by some rapper”  (is Ray J a rapper and, more importantly, am I racist for assuming that he is?).  So, friends, it’s a matter of character, dignity, self-worth… a time to look deep into your soul, check in with your moral compass and ask yourself: “would I get pissed on for millions and millions of dollars?”.  And the answer (of course) is a resounding HELL YEAH!!!  Bring it!!!

Congrats Mr. and Mrs. Humphries!!

Dear Anderson Cooper…

Friday, August 19th, 2011

I’m sure you guys have all heard about how (a much fatter and older than I remembered) Gerard Depardieu pissed on a plane on Tuesday night — not in the bathroom, mind you — in the aisle. Let’s just agree right up front that that story is fantastic.  How does something like that get better?…  ADD ANDERSON COOPER!

Here’s a list of things I love:
- foreigners doing weird shit
- poop jokes
- Youtube clips live newscasts where someone on the air swears/barfs/falls/laughs uncontrollably

Can you say HAT TRICK?!  Watch and enjoy… (the giggling really takes off around the 2:30 mark).  And when you’re done with Mr. Gigglepants, do yourself a favor and watch the links above.  You’re welcome!!