Posts Tagged ‘Playboy’

Dear Lindsay Lohan…

Monday, December 17th, 2012

Super broke former actress Lindsay Lohan is offering to show up at weddings, holiday parties, birthday bashes, quinceaneras for a price.  And that price is whatever it costs to buy twice as much alcohol as you were planning on buying because she’s def gonna drain your open bar (and probably hook up with your one “weird” cousin).

I don’t know what she actually does at these parties, but if Herbie Fully Loaded taught us anything, it’s that it’s probably going to be really really terrible.

 

For more Naked Fan Mail to Linds:
Naked Fan Mail
when she signed a deal with Playboy! 10/25/11
Naked Fan Mail
to her brother when he got a real job! 3/2/11
Naked Fan Mail
when she got busted shoplifting! 2/10/11
Naked Fan Mail
when she got out of rehab! 1/3/11
Naked Fan Mail
when she busted out of rehab for a shopping trip! 11/8/10

 

Dear Sinead O’Connor…

Friday, February 24th, 2012

For all the men who’ve always wondered if the lack of curtains matches the lack of drapes, you might be in luck: Sinead O’Connor wants to be in Playboy.  I’m sorry, what’s so great about Playboy anyway?  Want to see naked ladies?  Google “naked ladies”.  Want to see Sinead O’Connor naked?  Look here, I did the work for you.

 

 

Dear Lindsay Lohan…

Tuesday, October 25th, 2011

Well look who’s the little go-getter: Lindsay Lohan just signed a deal to pose for Playboy for a cool $1 million.

I’m confused — seriously.  So Playboy thinks that people will actually pay money to see her naked?  Huh.  Interesting hypothesis they’ve got over there.  If I’m ever faced with an image of a naked Lindsay Lohan, I think I’ll shell out cash NOT to see it.  If her baby-maker has aged as horribly as her face has it’s got to be TERRIFYING looking — that’s one beat up fire-crotch that will haunt you forever.

 

Dear Kim Kardashian…

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

 

On the most recent episode of Kourtney & Kim Take New York, Kim Kardashian freaks out when she sees naked pics of herself in an advance copy of W Magazine.  I know what you’re thinking… Did some stealthy paparazzi lurk outside her bathroom window and get shower shots?  Are these stills from a secret not-yet-leaked sequel to her first sex tape? Did W Magazine train a domesticated mouse to enter her bedroom with a little mouse camera attached to his little mouse head and take pictures of her getting into her PJ’s?  Nope, way crazier than any of that.  She posed for them. Got totally naked… stood in front of a photographer… and posed for them.  You really should watch the video at this link, but in case your boss is right behind you and you can’t think of a valid reason why the Kardashian Klan would be on your screen instead of the TPS reports* you’re supposed to be working on, here’s what Kim had to say about the pics:

“Oh my God, I’m more naked than I was in Playboy… you can see the nipples!… like, I’m so upset… they weren’t gonna show my asscrack or my nipple!”

Then her rep calls and says “I’m looking at the actual real hardcopy.  That is NIPPLE!”

They’re really worked up about this nipple business.  So I offer this video to Kim, as a way to ease her mind…

* Clearly I have no real world job experience.