Posts Tagged ‘rapper’

Dear Jay-Z…

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

Jay-Z took the subway to his show in Brooklyn and sat down to an adorable lady who has no fucking clue who he is. Really, it’s precious. Especially at the end, when she pretends to know who he is. I’m surprised she didn’t ask what “J.Z.” stands for.

Sidenote: THE SUBWAY? I hope your next song is about Purell.

PS. You just know Beyonce was like “oh hell no… I’ll meet you there.”

Dear Flo Rida…

Thursday, June 9th, 2011

Rapper Flo Rida got busted for drinking and driving at 3:30am this morning.  Police pulled him over after noticing him swerving in his $1,700,000 million Bugatti.  You read correctly — 7 digits.  C-level rapper/one hit wonder Flo Rida has a million plus dollar car.  You guys, I think we’re all in the wrong business (unless I have any rapper readers — you guys are all set.. need any back up singers or posse members?  I’m currently looking to make my way up the rap ladder.)

Seriously, how does he have a $1.7 million car?!?!  Clearly he’s up to something shady — this whole rap career is probably just a cover up for a money laundering business, like those strip mall fortune tellers or Edible Arrangements.  I mean really, Edible Arrangements?  You expect me to believe that that many people are sending $90 arrangements of pineapple and cantaloupe?  There’s no freaking way.  IRS, why don’t you quit sending me scary letters about the $245 I owe you from 2007 and dig into this fruit basket business!