Paula Deen has announced that she has Type 2 Diabetes.  Well, there goes my theory.  I’ve been claiming for years that Paula Deen is a robot sent from the future to kill off the entire human race with her deadly snacks.  It made perfect sense until now because obviously robots from the future can’t get diabetes.

Well shit, I guess she’s just a fat old Southern lady who really does like her butter.  Hang in there Paula!  Now that I know you’re not trying to destroy humanity as we know it, I’m totally rooting for you!!!

Lindsay Lohan is being released from her court-ordered rehab today.  The big question everyone is asking is “what should she do now?!” Actually, not that many people are probably asking that.  Apparently she’s launching a website and I think we can all agree that that’s a pretty shitty start to a big comeback.  Launching websites is so “2010”.  It’s 2011 now… she should invent a robot that will launch a website for her.  Or take a spaceship to outerspace and launch her website from the moon.  We’re living in the future now, people.  Time to think outside the atmosphere.