Posts Tagged ‘Sammy Hagar’

Dear Sammy Hagar…

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

Former Van Halen frontman Sammy Hagar is currently making the rounds promoting his new memoir, Red: My Uncensored Life in Rock.  It sounds a lot like other rockers’ memoirs, with all the standard sex, drugs and rock n’ roll, but Sammy’s added a little somethin’ special… ALIENS!  Oh how I love a good alien abduction story.  Says Sammy:

“Aliens were plugged into me. It was a download situation… Looking back now, it was like, ‘F–k they downloaded something into me!’ Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment, ‘See what this guy knows.’”

Well it’s about damn time those aliens picked someone interesting!!  I often think about the people who get abducted and it’s always a cattle farmer in Arkansas or a waitress in rural Texas.  What kind of info will the aliens garner from yawners like that… Holstein breeding techniques?  The Thursday night specials at the Wacky Bill’s Lone Star Diner?  Let’s show those aliens what it’s really like to be human… an Earth full of folks who consume nothing but tequila, have wild orgies with groupies under the stage during concerts, smash guitars, do coke off hookers, drop trou on stage, get BJ’s from receptionists, you know, the norm!

PS.  I spend a lot of time thinking about alien abduction.  Click here for more theories.