Posts Tagged ‘singer’

Dear Adele…

Tuesday, December 11th, 2012

Adele is getting fined because she never registered her new baby with the British government.  If it’s anything like it is in the States, who can blame her?  I recently had to get a marriage license at the LA County Clerk’s office.  Complete disast.  Everyone only speaks Spanish and the only thing longer than the lines are the employees’ acrylic nails.


Dear Justin Bieber…

Tuesday, September 27th, 2011

Justin Bieber rented out the Staples Center and took girlfriend Selena Gomez there to watch Titanic together over the weekend (just me or did they do this in an episode of The Bachelor?? If not, I’m sure Chris Harrison is taking notes).

I disagree with so much of what Justin Bieber does: his silly haircut… his ridiculous line of nail polish… his creepy relationship with the least relevant singer ever, Usher.  Add this little stunt to the list.

I’m not being mean, I’m being empathetic.  Think of all the teenage guys out there who have to save up all their paper route money just to take their lady-friend out for a night of Olive Garden and 2nd base*.  Well fellas, the bar has been raised.

* Am I too easy?  What can I say, I’m a sucker for all-you-can-eat breadsticks.

Dear Solange Knowles…

Monday, August 29th, 2011

The big news in the Knowles family this past weekend should have been be the fact that Beyonce is pregnant and she was announcing it at the VMA’s.  WOO HOO!!

Yeah, that’ should’ve been the big woop.  But it wasn’t.  In a typical “hey look at me, I’m the little sister and I need attention too” move, while big sis was announcing her pregnantness, Solange was up to the following:

1.  trying to sneak into a bar in Miami with a 5 foot long inflatable banana
2.  getting into an altercation with the cops regarding the aforementioned 5 foot long inflatable banana
3.  accusing the Miami cops of racism for not letting her into the club because she’s black (not because she wouldn’t let go of her damn 5 foot long inflatable banana)

Sure, maybe the cops were being prejudiced — prejudiced against dumbassness– and not only am I fine with that, I’m all for it!  If you ask me, we need to be prejudiced against dumbasses  a lot more often in this country.  We can start with inflatable  banana-toting R&B singers and then make our way to SUV drivers who park in compact spots.

You can’t just go around with a 5 foot long inflatable banana and think everyone’s gonna be cool with it.  For the most part, NO ONE is actually going to be cool with it.  People might pretend they’re cool with it.  To her face her friends are probably all saying “Oh Solange you’re so crazy! You’re so fun! You’re the life of the party!”, but behind her back you can be sure it’s more like “enough with the G.D. banana!”