Posts Tagged ‘sister’

Dear Ashley Hebert’s sister…

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

The day after The Bachelorette finale is always a bittersweet one.  I’m happy Ashley found her soulmate, but I’m sad because it’s obviously not going to last.  I’m thrilled I get my Monday nights back, but I’m bummed I have to think of some other excuse to drink a bottle of cheap Merlot on a weeknight.  It’s a real yin and yang kinda day.

On last night’s finale, Ashley chose J.P. as the guy who got to (had to?) propose to her.  In an act of cruelty/amazing television she let Ben-the-reject get down on one knee and everything before she told him he wasn’t the guy.

The real excitement happened early on when Ashley’s tatted up sister told J.P. he was a humorless dud who wasn’t compatible with her sis and would never have her approval.  I was like “awww shit, this chick means business!!”.  That is, until she met Ben and he quickly won her over with weird baby talk while he pitted out in his poor-color-choice taupe button-down.  I guess the moral of the story that we should all take away from this is: just because a girl’s asshole sister thinks you’re a catch doesn’t mean you’ll win the television dating show.



Dear Oprah Winfrey (again)…

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Usually when you see the word “Oprah” and any other noun in a headline, it’s safe to assume that Oprah is giving away said noun to all the members of her studio audience, so when I first got online today I assumed Oprah was giving away a sister to everyone in the crowd.  Then I was like, “waaaaaait a minute, that doesn’t make sense.”  Turns out Oprah has a long lost sister!  Is there some place where I can put money down on how long it will take before this chick starts in on the extortion?  I mean, you don’t just find out you’re sisters with Oprah and go on showing up at your crappy job.  Oprah is worth infinity dollars… help a sister out! (literally)