Posts Tagged ‘Subway’

Dear Jay-Z…

Thursday, December 6th, 2012

Jay-Z took the subway to his show in Brooklyn and sat down to an adorable lady who has no fucking clue who he is. Really, it’s precious. Especially at the end, when she pretends to know who he is. I’m surprised she didn’t ask what “J.Z.” stands for.

Sidenote: THE SUBWAY? I hope your next song is about Purell.

PS. You just know Beyonce was like “oh hell no… I’ll meet you there.”

Dear Vanessa Hudgens…

Monday, April 11th, 2011

Former Disney leading lady/nude pic starlet (redundant?) Vanessa Hudgens recently said in an interview in People:

I know what the worst invention ever is. The internet. I think it’s ruining everyone, and it just makes everybody way too accessible.

Vanessa Hudgens saying she hates the internet is like Jared from Subway saying he hates 6” tuna’s on wheat. That’s why you’re famous, dummy. In a world without internet there’d be a few thousand tweens with Vanessa Hudgens posters hanging next to their twin beds. In the world  with internet she’s the 40th Most Popular Woman on the Web and has millions of creepy old men googling “naked Vanessa Hudgens” on a daily basis.  Ok, so maybe I can see where she’s coming from.

Well if Vanessa can’t enjoy her internet fame then someone ought to make use of it — that’s where I plan on stepping in. As I sit here typing “naked Vanessa Hudgens” for the 4th time in a single post, I get giddy thinking about all the creepy old men who will accidentally end up here at Naked Fan Mail when they hit enter in search of their “naked Vanessa Hudgens” filth.  Oh you “naked Vanessa Hudgens” searchers, not only will you give me a major spike in my blog stats, I get to take this opportunity to say: HEY! STOP IT! STOP RIGHT THERE! GO OUT AND FIND YOURSELF A NICE REAL HUMAN ADULT LADY AND STOP JERKIN TO CREEPY BAD CELL PHONE PICS OF NAKED HIGH SCHOOLERS. So in the end we all win!