Posts Tagged ‘Thanksgiving’

Happy Night Before Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

Dear Paula Deen…

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

Well y’all (Paula’s rubbing off on me), it’s Turkey Day!  It’s days like today when I can’t help but think, “man, I am soooo thankful those Pilgrims came over from wherever they came from and did whatever they did and the Indians they met were cool and were like ‘heeeey, I’ve got this cornucopia here, let’s party!’’, or whatever.

Seriously though… I think I had really bad history teachers in middleschool.

I’m already prepping for a big day of feasting… got my eatin’ pants on (you don’t want to know, but surprise surprise, they’ve been deemed “not sexy” by my boyfriend)… and I know exactly where I’m going to hide my secret stash of stuffing so that when the gang polishes off what’s on the table I’ve got a big helping of seconds waiting for me in the crisper drawer (shhh).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear Amy Winehouse…

Wednesday, November 24th, 2010

The Night Before Thanksgiving!  It’s like St. Patrick’s Day but without the stupid outfits made up of whatever green shit you have in your closet.  The biggest drinking night of the year is here, so I’ve decided to write my fan mail today to someone who would really enjoy our pre-holiday holiday, Amy Winehouse.  Here’s why I think she should be my drinking buddy tonight:

1.  Amy’s is the kind of girl who could drink with you all night  and then when you walk through the McDonald’s drive-thru at 2:30am and order a large #2 Extra Value Meal and a couple Snack Wraps she’s not gonna try to eat all your fries.  It’s one of the few bonuses of hanging out with an anorexicy person.

2.  She just got a pet monkey who would obviously hang with us all night.

3.  I couldn’t write to Charlie Sheen two days in a row.

Here’s a little song I wrote that summarizes my plans for this evening: