Posts Tagged ‘The Bachelorette’

Dear Ashley Hebert’s sister…

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

The day after The Bachelorette finale is always a bittersweet one.  I’m happy Ashley found her soulmate, but I’m sad because it’s obviously not going to last.  I’m thrilled I get my Monday nights back, but I’m bummed I have to think of some other excuse to drink a bottle of cheap Merlot on a weeknight.  It’s a real yin and yang kinda day.

On last night’s finale, Ashley chose J.P. as the guy who got to (had to?) propose to her.  In an act of cruelty/amazing television she let Ben-the-reject get down on one knee and everything before she told him he wasn’t the guy.

The real excitement happened early on when Ashley’s tatted up sister told J.P. he was a humorless dud who wasn’t compatible with her sis and would never have her approval.  I was like “awww shit, this chick means business!!”.  That is, until she met Ben and he quickly won her over with weird baby talk while he pitted out in his poor-color-choice taupe button-down.  I guess the moral of the story that we should all take away from this is: just because a girl’s asshole sister thinks you’re a catch doesn’t mean you’ll win the television dating show.

CONGRATS ASHLEY & J.P.!

 

Dear Bentley (from The Bachelorette)…

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

Quick recap for anyone not watching The Bachelorette: super annoying Bachelorette Ashley got all hung up on a shithead named Bentley who was clearly using the show to get famous/get his own reality show/earn some money with a tell-all book or line of haircare products or work out videos (Body By Bentley coming soon!).  After knowing each other two weeks he decided to leave the show and she got standard issue girl-who’s-been-dumped CRAZY on his ass.  “Bentley this and Bentley that.”  “Bentley might be my soulmate; Bentley came into my life for a reason; I looooooove Bentleeeeeeyyyyy!!”  She was so G-D annoying about it that even host Chris Harrison was like, “HOLY SHIT WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT THE F UP?????”*

Last night Bentley reappeared at a hotel in Hong Kong to let Ashley know that the relationship was over.  Here’s how the conversation probably went when the producers called him:

PRODUCER: Hey Bentley we want you to come to Hong Kong to give Ashley some closure.
BENTLEY: Do I get to keep the frequent flier miles?  Because I really want to take my real girlfriend to Fiji this summer.
PRODUCER: All yours buddy.
BENTLEY: I’m in!

* not his exact words