Last night I decided to watch American Idol for the first time this season. I’ve watched my fair share of Idol but didn’t get into it this year because I figured J Lo would be too annoying to handle. I mean come on, what’s her deal? She had like 3 hit songs, a handful of shitty movies, and I swear on my autographed picture of David Copperfield that she’s only famous because of that time she came to the Grammys with Diddy wearing that Versace dress that showed her bellybutton. Before that dress all she was was just an anonymous In Living Color fly girl.. but post-dress she morphed into one half of the rom-com-ruining Bennifer, next step, superstardom! Anyway, so no. I haven’t been watching Idol this season.
Last night, however, I thought I should check in and see what’s going on. I turned on the TV hoping to see some charming little Carrie Underwood-esque nobody belt out some heartfelt ballad but instead I get a giant blonde Beyonce on a horse with back-up dancers doing moves that looked something your chiropractor would tell you not to do — I think they should call that it the “sexy seizure”. She just kept yelling “Who run the world? Girls! Who run the world? Girls!… over and over and over again (someone has apparently given up on writing lyrics entirely).
Listen B, we’ll never run anything with grammar like that. Can we try “Who runs the world?” or “Who is running the world?” or maybe “The world is run by whom?” Now please get off my screen so I can get back to watching that adorable southern crooner who makes the weird sexy faces.