Posts Tagged ‘weed’

Dear Stephen King…

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

In honor of 4/20 I googled “celebrity potheads” with the plan of writing fan mail to someone like Cheech or Snoop or Charlize Theron (because remember THIS? an apple a day…). Back to my story. Google celeb potheads, start scrolling down the list, stop in my tracks as I see this pic of reported pothead Stephen King:

Those stark white socks… the baby barf green velour couch… the chair that I’m 100% sure my grandma also owned… this pic is less “I’m a pothead” and more “I’m a registered sex offender and hoard cats in my basement”. But you know what they say, you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, and you can’t judge the smoking habits of a world-famous author by his footwear (or something like that). Stephen King has been one of the most outspoken proponents for the legalization of marijuana saying “I think that marijuana should not only be legal, I think it should be a cottage industry”.  He went on to say “… much like the cottage industry I’ve created for stark white athletic socks which I’ll be selling at book signings, on my website and at Hemp Fests nationwide so you too can have blindingly white socks”.

Dear Willie Nelson…

Monday, November 29th, 2010

Willie Nelson was arrested for pot possession over the holiday weekend.  That’s the second time this year, plus he’s been busted for moonshine and shrooms in the past.  Moonshine.  I honestly didn’t even know that was a real thing.  And shrooms!  How “senior year of high school” of you, Willie!

Now I’m not a big pot head.  I mean, I have a prescription for it and everything, but I live in California.  Having a medical marijuana card is like having a drivers license (only, when you get pulled over make sure you pull out the license, not the pot card).

I think Willie needs to park his tour bus in sunny CA and let his fans come to him.  First of all, pot is legal here; and secondly, he’s 77!  When I’m closing in on 80, if I happen to be an iconic pot head country singer-songwriter with legions of dedicated fans, mark my words, I’ll find a nice plot of land near the beach, sit back with my guitar and a joint and let my fans flock to me!

So, for my mom who still seems to think I have no “plan” for my life, there you go: become an octogenarian stoner country singer on the beaches of Malibu.  It’s a long way from Supreme Court Justice but I think I think I missed that bus long ago (like somewhere around senior year of high school — they tend to frown on fun-loving shroom stories in the nation’s high court).

Dear Lil Wayne…

Wednesday, November 10th, 2010

MSNBC’s “Lockup” really is a great show.  Some of those prisoners would make damn good middle-school arts and crafts teachers; ironic, since that’s one of those jobs they could never, ever get.  They fashion shivs out of pork chop bones and styrofoam cups, tattoo needles from bed springs and ball point pens… those crafty lushes at the Wabash Valley Correctional Facility even made wine in their toilets with a sock, an apple and some bread.  And here I was complaining that my Target brand boxed wine tasted like shit!

But now, to get to the real reason for this post:  I am sincerely pleased that everyone’s favorite southern rap phenom Lil Wayne is out of the big house!  I watched a documentary about him a few weeks ago and he seems like a pretty nice guy!  Granted, most folks who smoke pot all day long are pretty nice guys.  Like non-stop.  He smokes pot non-stop, the whole movie, in every scene, in every shot.  At first I thought I had popped a Judd Apatow flick in by accident, but then I was like, “wait, there are no black guys in Judd Apatow movies”… and only a black guy can pull off hair like Lil Wayne.  Trust me, there was an unfortunate 3-month period in high school when I thumbed my nose at hairbrushes and wore nothing but Phish t-shirts and corduroy pants.  Believe it or not, my white girl dreads* didn’t look nearly as cool as Lil’s.

So congrats, Lil Wayne!  I hope you’re celebrating with non-shitter liquor and a big ol’ blunt!

* or as my mom called them, “that rat’s nest on my head”