Dear Suzanne Somers…

Happy Black Friday!  If you want to avoid the mall, may I suggest checking out  I recently saw Suzanne on Larry King hawking a book about menopause (or something like that, I kinda zoned out), but I was intrigued to see that she was delving into the world of medicine so I checked out her website to see what else she was up to.  WOAH.  This chick is selling everything from bio-identical hormones to Pave earrings.  Among the myriad of tempting products I found one in particular that shocked* me.  Her  Facemaster contraption is simultaneously hilarious, horrific and encouraging.  The website says:

This micro-current stimulation contracts the 22 muscles on each side of the face, creating a tightening effect, much like the effect exercise has on our muscles.

Is that code for electrocution?  Because it sort of sounds like electrocuting your own face.  Either way, it’s fine by me; I’m all for beauty at any price so count me in!  My next paycheck may as well be written directly to Suzanne Somers!  I can’t wait to zap this 30-year-old face and start getting carded at bars again!

* Ha.  Get it?  Shocked me?  IKM

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