Posts Tagged ‘robbery’

Dear Celine…

Friday, September 9th, 2011

A man broke into Celine Dion’s home the other day.  He didn’t steal anything — why would he?  If you’re in Celine Dion’s home there’s waaaaay cooler stuff to do than swipe some boring old jewelry or lame Platinum records.  For example:  take a bath and eat some pastries.  Let’s face it, Celine’s probably got a killer bathtub.  I’m sure there are fancy water jets involved, definitely bubbles and most likely four bear paw feet holding the whole thing up.  If I could think of one person in the WORLD who’s gonna have a kick ass fucking bath tub, it’s definitely Celine Dion.  But the intruder didn’t stop there.  He took the time to really pamper himself and grabbed some pastries from the kitchen.  Again, I’ve got to image her pastries are pretty fab — not the week old box of Entemann’s us mere mortals have laying around.  This is Celine Dion we’re talking about.  First of all, she’s basically French, right? (the Canadian version of French at least?) and the French invented pastries (croissant, anyone?).  And secondly, have you seen her husband?  That’s a waistline that enjoys some freaking donuts.

In conclusion, WTG, intruder!  You nailed it!!!

Dear Alex Trebek…

Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Alex Trebek snapped his Achilles tendon this week when he attempted to chase down a burglar who had stolen cash and a bracelet from his San Fran hotel room.  Apparently he woke up in the middle of the night and saw this ballsy burglaress snooping through his stuff.  The crazy thing is, from the sounds of it, she didn’t know whose room she was burglarizing.

Ok, let’s just imagine for a sec: you’re a robber.  You sneak into a random hotel room and pocket all the cash you see.  Oh look, there’s a man’s bracelet.  What the hell, you take that too.  You tip toe out of the room and think you’re in the clear when all of a sudden you have none other than ALEX TREBEK, yes, THE Alex Trebek chasing after you!!

I’ve never stolen anything but trust me, if I knew which hotel room Alex Trebek was in, and I knew how to break into a hotel room… I’d be all over that shit!  He’s a legend!  He’s a genius! And he’s apparently not an athlete.

Stay frosty, Alex.  I’m lurking.