Posts Tagged ‘Victoria Beckham’

Dear Victoria Beckham (again)…

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

Yesss! Victoria Beckham is currently in talks to do one of those naked pregnant lady photo shoots for the cover of Vogue. In other words… FAT POSH SPICE PICS!!! As I’ve mentioned before on this blog, the impossible girth of Victoria Beckham’s thighs literally keeps me up at night. How is it possible for a human to be so tiny? She makes the Olsen twins look downright chubby (Btw, anyone heard from them lately? They may have gotten lost in giant fur coats, maybe someone should go check on them.)

Seeing some “fat, happy and preggers” pics of the old broad would be refreshing. I’ve had a few pregnant friends, so I’d like to offer some styling suggestions based on my knowledge of what pregnant people do… picture it…
1. Victoria sitting in an unmade bed, surrounded by cheese puffs and cookie dough, watching Live with Regis & Kelly. (This is an aspect of pregnancy I cannot wait for.)
2. Victoria standing next to the “junk drawer” in her kitchen, organizing coupons in alphabetical order. (I got my microwave, two stationary sets and most of my Christmas decorations from a friend who was doing some serious ‘nesting’.)
3. Victoria standing outside a sushi place making a sad face. (Hey pregnant ladies, we get it. You can’t have sushi. There’s plenty of other food out there, just suck it up for 9 months and live like middle America — without spicy tuna rolls.)

Dear Victoria Beckham…

Friday, November 12th, 2010

I cannot believe I’m putting it out there that I’m a fan of Victoria Beckham.  Until today I had always found so many reasons dislike her.  The incomprehensible girth of her thighs, for example.  I mean come on.  So it shocked me to read that she’s finally done something that I can fully get behind… she talked shit about Lady Gaga’s wardrobe.  Atta girl, Vicky!  Way to use your bitchy Posh Spice powers for good!

Gaga’s music?  Beyond catchy.  I’ve had “Poker Face” stuck in my head for nearly two years now.  Her outfits?  Straight up ludicrous.  In lieu of a stylist, it seems she just randomly opens a dictionary and wears the first word she sees.  “Lobsters”?  Perfect!  “Bubbles”?  Sounds great!

I made a video about this phenomenon a few months ago.  You guys sit down and watch this piece of editing slop.  I need to mail this letter fast so I can get back to disliking Victoria Beckham (She’s solely responsible for the popularity of the asymmetric bob.  See, there’s another… I’m telling you, it’s an endless list).

Lady Got Hats from Julia Lillis on Vimeo.